Perfectionism, Control, and Anxiety Live in the Same House

Let’s talk about three sneaky roommates that often move in together: perfectionism, control, and anxiety.

They show up differently for everyone—maybe in your relationships, your parenting, or how you handle work and day-to-day responsibilities—but they all share the same root: a deep craving for safety and stability.

Where It Comes From

Maybe you grew up in an environment that was inconsistent or unpredictable. Maybe love or attention only came when you achieved something, looked a certain way, or acted just right. Over time, your nervous system learned that being perfect = being safe and loved.

These experiences are incredibly common—and they’re often generational—but they take a toll on our mental health and relationships as adults. Because here’s the truth: one of the most basic human needs is predictability. Predictability creates safety and security.

So if your upbringing or past relationships lacked those things, you likely developed an anxious attachment style. That anxious attachment becomes the lens through which you see and experience the world, shaping how you love, react, and try to feel in control.

The Illusion of Control

Trying to control every detail of your life can feel soothing for a moment—it gives you a false sense of safety. But it doesn’t heal the root wound.

Your safety and security don’t come from what you can control. They come from acknowledging what you actually dohave control over—which is a much smaller, but more powerful list than most of us realize.

You can’t control outcomes, other people’s opinions, or every variable in your environment.
But you can control your breath, your response, your boundaries, and the way you speak to yourself.

Reparenting the Inner Child

As adults, it becomes our job to create safety for ourselves. There is so much freedom in realizing that no one else is coming to do that for you.

It’s your responsibility now to reparent that little version of you who’s still waiting for reassurance. To remind her—again and again—that she is safe, capable, and no longer needs to earn love through perfection.

Learning to Surrender

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up—it means trusting.
Trusting in yourself, in your resilience, in something bigger than you.

Every day, you have a choice:

To make life harder by being rigid, reactive, and controlling…
or
To play a supportive role in your own life.

Most of the time, it’s not as serious as it feels in the moment.

When you notice yourself spiraling into control or anxiety, try asking:

Is this a battle I have the capacity to fight?
Is this an inconvenience, or is it dangerous?
Is this truly urgent, or just uncomfortable?

These little check-ins bring you back to reality—and back to peace.

Final Thought

You deserve to live a life that feels safe without needing to control every corner of it.
Freedom doesn’t come from managing everything perfectly—it comes from trusting yourself enough to loosen your grip.

The Three Best Friends: Perfectionism, Control, and Anxiety